Grief during the holidays seems both cruel and counterintuitive . It is like reaching for a bouquet of roses, anticipating the pleasant waft of sweet floral aromas, and finding oneself stung by a thorn.
Note: this is personal post. I hope you don’t mind dear readers.
Ashes to Ashes : Dust to dust. What I wore to the funeral below, calls to mind both ashes and dust.
My eyes are swollen and my heart is heavy. Saying good-bye to my friend, my dear friend’s husband, was a bitter pill to swallow. Yet, it is easy for me to take solace in the bountiful memories of love and generosity that I remember this friend for. His quick humor and zest for life feels vivid and alive, still. His lovely wife, a dear friend of 26 years, is mourning this terrible loss.
Grief during the holidays is common, I think. At a time when we are reflective, we miss the ones who used to be part of our daily lives.
As we celebrate Thanksgiving, we tally our gifts and misfortunes. For me, the overwhelming emotional feel is gratitude. I am so blessed with a loving husband of 34 years and two children who bring so much joy into my life. My sisters, who I mentioned here, are an amazing source of strength, laughter and loving commitment.
So I feel lucky even as I experience grief during the holidays. Gratitude fills my heart. If there is no loss, we can not experience the full spectrum of joy. Alas, we do not live forever, This is how life is meant to be.
Friends teach you so much. My dear friend has now taught me how to grieve .
While I was not quite ready for this lesson, I witnessed art and beauty in her tears. For decades my fiends have been beacons : how to be good wife, a good mother, and mostly a good human being. I owe them such a debt of thanks.
My heart goes out to my friends in real life, and to my readers, for any loss that they suffer during this holiday season.
I know my friends appreciate my vintage Oscar De la Renta dress, and a brooch , a gift from my dear friend. The old-fashioned gloves that kept me warm, is also a nod to their old world elegance.
A tangential fashion mention. My friend who lost her husband recently has impeccable style. She was married in a couture House of Worth gown and her husband, now gone, was betrothed in head-to-toe Valentino. They are not showy people, but as a couple, they exuded a natural elegance and fineness.
They existed and thrived in a beautiful world, where art, culture and music was central to their very existence .
Love in its full spectrum includes darkness and shadow. It there were no darkness, we would not be able to see the light.
My beautiful friend, who survives her husband, is truly elegant still. She speaks many languages, but is most gifted in the language of love. How she inspires me!
For Paul: In Memoriam
For decades of diaphanous moments
they walk in lock step, side by side,
and together still
though he but whisper in her stride,
they journey together
secured by the veracity of enduring love .
Elle
I can only say that I’m so sorry. I hope you and your dear friend have enough strength.
Dear Elle, the loss of someone close to our heart is very difficult and often to hard to “swallow” , but their soul It’s Alive !!! they send us Love and they are around us .
Pray for your friend and light a candle for him and smile at his soul and be grateful for all the joy he gave you in your life , the advises and the smiles …..
A BIG HUG
Melania
I’m so sorry for your friends loss which affects you too, Elle.
It does seem like life is so short, and yet it’s part of life.
You are so elegant in your words.
Here’s a huge hug…that’s my best way of expression.
OXOX
Jodie
Sending strength to both of you.
Suzanne
http://www.suzannecarillo.com
I am so sorry for your loss Elle! It is always hard to lose someone unexpectedly, but even more painful to deal with near Christmas time! It’s good you have many happy and good memories of your friend to look back on.
Such a beautiful blog post dear Elle. You have put grief and thankfulness in such eloquent words. I can totally identify with what you are telling us here and want to thank you or sharing this with us. Lots of love, Lieske
Oh gosh, your poem brought tears to my eyes. The post itself I could read and feel sympathy, the poem made me cry. You say it so well. Your dress is perfection and I am sure she appreciated your careful choice. The gifted brooch is stunning. I would buy that immediately if I saw it in a shop. Modern, demure (if that is the right word for the opposite of ostentatious), perfect size. I adore it. Very much proof of your friend’s impacable taste. It is very hard to lose the love of your life.
Greetje
Thanks so much for your caring comment Greetje!
She did appreciate it, and her husband would have too…
xo, Elle
I am saddened to hear about your friend’s husband untimely passing away. Life can be so unfair. Your poem in remembrance of him is heartrendingly poignant. Thinking of you and virtually hugging you across the ocean xxx
Thanks Ann! hugs received and appreciated !
xo,
Elle
Oh Elle ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks Tina! happy holidays !
xo, Elle
My heart goes out to your loss. I have not lost a close friend yet, and I remind myself to treasure every day, every encounter, every event small and large. Life is too damned short.
Hugs to you my dear. Looking amazing in that stunning dress.
So true, my friend.
Yes, a sign of aging for sure… losing siblings and friends, but We do treasure the moments in everyday life !
xo, Elle
So sorry to hear of your loss. Facing grief with such a thankful spirit and elegance is inspirational xx Maria
thanks Maria,
True, love never dies!
xo, Elle
I am so sorry for your loss and your friend’s widowhood. It is something hard to grapple with, and to dread. But I love the way you’ve written also about love and art, and love never dies. xox
I’m so sorry for your loss dear. Sending you hugs your way. May you have all the strength you need to get through this tough time.
Jessica | notjessfashion.com
Thanks Jessica,
I am okay, sadness is part of life and it is holiday season !
xo, Elle
Elle, what a beautifully written post. I am so sorry at the loss of your friend. You have loving memories and have expressed them eloquently. Thinking of you, and giving hugs.
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com